Tuck Frump

The movement to suckify America continues. Although, an unanticipated benefit seems to be that Robert Reich and Dan Rather now appear in my Facebook feed. How Facebook sensed my political frustration and subscribed me to agents of liberal resistance is beyond me, but I’m glad for that at least.

“Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke’s interim report, released today, calls for a reduction in the size of BENM [Bears Ears National Monument] without specifying how much.”

— Libby Sauter, UKClimbing.com | Protecting Public Lands in the US

I was flipping through surf pr0ns on RedBull.com when this caught my eye:

“When someone says, ‘Truth is stranger than fiction,’ whether they know it or not, they’re describing John Fairfax. You couldn’t create a more dynamic character in a novel than the actual man. The first man to row across the Atlantic and then Pacific Oceans, John Fairfax, got kicked out of Boy Scouts at 9 years old for stealing a pistol and opening fire on a group of other scouts (no one was killed). At 13, he ran away to the Amazon jungle to live in the wild. By 20, he attempted ‘suicide-by-jaguar,’ but reconsidered and killed the jaguar to sell its pelt.

“Shortly after, he became a pirate and in 1969, just for the hell of it, rowed from the Canary Islands to Florida in a 22-foot-long row boat. It took him 180 days. In 1971, Fairfax and friend Sylvia Cook, rowed a horrendous 8,000 miles from San Francisco to Hayman Island, Australia. It took them 361 days, also making Cook the first woman to row across the Pacific. Along the way, Fairfax was bitten on the arm by a shark and they were caught in a cyclone. Support boat? Yeah, right. A legend of a human being, Fairfax passed away in 2012.”

RedBull.com | The Gnarliest Ocean Crossings of All Time


Albee Layer’s new movie, Nervous Laughter, is great. Next time I’m on Maui I will not look him up, at least for Blue Shield of California’s sake.

Blood Road

Rebecca Rusch is one bad beeyautch, peep this. Her new movie is rad. It’s called Blood Road and it’s the best movie I’ve seen from Red Bull Media House. As painful as it was to drive to helL.A. for the premiere on Monday, I did, and unlike some Santa Monica hipsters I actually really like Red Bull movies. I’m not just saying this because Rebecca’s a bro-ette either (although I would). It’s really good. Attorney General Jeff Sessions will reimburse you if you’re not totally satisfied.

Official trailer:

Rebecca Rusch attacked my let at the Blood Road movie premiere.

She was so hungry after filming she tried to eat my leg. Silly Rebecca, legs are for casts (not mouths).

monumental suck/who votes for this shit?

In an ongoing effort to annoy coastal Americans the Trump administration continues to threaten protected federal lands. Obviously this defeats my tree-hugging/ivory tower conspiracy to waste Earth, as revealed in NPR’s analysis:

The ultimate fate of the [27 national] monuments is murky partly because a president’s authority under the law that established them, the 1906 Antiquities Act, may be open to dispute.“What Utah’s Canyon Country Can Tell Us About Trump’s Monuments Review”NPR.org, June 10, 2017

It’s like there’s a covert competition between far right leaders for who is the biggest asshole.

executive suck

When I was growing up in Washington State the big environmental fight was over protection of local old-growth forest.  Environmental extremists would drive steel spikes into tree trunks to break loggers’ chainsaws and timber workers would nail dead Spotted Owls to sign posts, went the rumors. My divorced Mom and Dad were respectively an environmental activist and land developer, so this played out almost as nasty in the news as it did at home. I experienced both perspectives. What happened to families that depended on logging was awful—I saw it—but ultimately society judged that virgin forests in the Pacific Northwest were more valuable, and I agree. That’s my take anyway; certainly you could find voices from both camps that would passionately argue neither won.

It ruins livelihoods to make the moral decision to sacrifice industry for conservation. History favors the conservationists though. They preserve something more valuable than the loggers’/miners’/drillers’ legacy, I’m sorry to say.

So fuck this:

U.S. President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Wednesday to identify national monuments that can be rescinded or resized – part of a broader push to open up more federal lands to drilling, mining and other development.

“Trump orders review of national monuments, seeks to allow development”Reuters.com, April 26, 2017


Trump is targeting all or part of monuments that make up 100,000 acres or more, and were created by presidential proclamation since 1996.

“24 national monuments threatened by Trump’s executive order”USAToday.com, April 26, 2017

Also, I broke my leg again.

Yeah, climbing at Malibu Creek a couple weeks ago. Falling at Malibu Creek, to be precise. As much as the hike in sucked, the hike out mega sucked. No surgery this time—nice try, Universe—but a couple more months on crutches and a sweet cast.

And further evidence that not all surfing videos are boring, a.k.a. Matt Meola is not a pussy:

brought to you by Goldschlager

I haven’t come up with much to write about lately because I’m still kinda pissed about the new President and I’ve been building a table. None of this has stopped me from rando YouTubing however, like so:

motivating surf short

Dark Light – Desert Escape

“Dark Light can be purchased at theoceanpeople.com/product/dark-light-book (while stocks last.)”
“This Clip features Brad Norris, Philip Read, Kerby Brown and Luke Wyllie from some of the adventures contained within the book.”
“Thanks to Corsaire Aviation for taking us to these remote locations.”
“Aerial footage by Chris White”
“Water cinematography by Tom Jennings”

2016 was stoopid

2016 The Movie

“It’s the horror movie of the year.”

Trump sucks

The Netherlands welcomes Trump in his own words

“The whole world was watching for the inauguration of the 45th president of the United States: Donald J. Trump. Because we realize it’s better for us to get along, we decided to introduce our tiny country to him. In a way that will probably appeal to him the most.”

open and close

There was this website I can’t find any more that recommended drinking accomplishments to fulfill before you die. One item on the list was to drink with your Dad. Another was to open and close a bar. They both stuck with me and I have since had drinks with Dad. I’ve been meaning to check the other one off my list as well. However, these days I really don’t need another excuse to drink so that’s been on the back burner. But friends’ recent Birthday Challenges, involving lots of different activities to fill entire days, has this day-long bar epic simmering in the forefront of my mind.

Something about the bar odyssey transcends even drinking. It has to be the all-day aspect. It occurred to me to replace the bar’s open and close events with Sunrise and Sunset, so that’s what I did yesterday: I open and closed the ocean.

It’s lame that the stupid bar metaphor led me to this concept but whatever. My thinking now is to save the hangboard workouts, the weightlifting, mobility work, everything that’s typically done inside, for dark hours. The climbing, paddling, biking, shredding, outside stuff should fill the daylight hours. I know this is a good idea because I’m pissed at me for not realizing it earlier.

Immediately there is an obvious division between outdoor and indoor activities. This also defines the often blurry line between things I train for versus things I do to train.


Here’s a photo of my Mom’s dogs. They get frustrated too. They didn’t vote.

I was pretty bummed to see Trump’s election to the the U.S. Presidency. But if almost half my voting countrymates want this, I respect that. There’s clearly a divide between me and my tree-hugging friends and the rest of red-blooded America. For that I blame our recent leaders. It is the fault of our political leadership that this many Americans are frustrated to the point they have chosen such a vitriolic representative. I’m sorry it took this event to make me appreciate the frustration. I want everyone to be brought into the fold, not to feel the negativity this election cycle has embodied. Sorry I forgot about y’all.

Be Prepared

I am an Eagle Scout. It’s not the most diverse group of blokes one could join but it did introduce me to some good stuff. My passion for climbing, for one, was spawned during my Boy Scout days.

“Look wide, and even when you think you are looking wide – look wider still.”
— Robert Baden-Powell, Founder of Scouting

The motto of the Boy Scouts is “Be Prepared”. That’s really good advice for a climber, and not in an altogether obvious way. Obviously one needs to be at the peak of their fitness to climb their hardest. But is that really when a climber sends their project? It might not be. Envirionmental conditions also need to be right. The confluence of factors that could allow an ascent all need to line up relatively well for the opportunity to present itself. In practice this could mean I surprise myself with a redpoint on an uncharacteristically cold, dry day during a fitness lull. Conversely, an ascent could materialize when there is a little humidty or it is a little too hot but my fitness is just then peaking. Ideally I’m ready physically and psychologically when the universe tosses me a bone. I need to be prepared.

“A Scout smiles and whistles under all circumstances.”
— Robert Baden-Powell

Snatches and CJs

Adding to the list of things I suck at: Weightlifting. I used to think the Bench Press was complex. It’s not. Pick any joint in my body. Any joint, pick one. That joint can’t figure out how to Snatch or Clean & Jerk. Even if my brain knew how to tell it what to do it physically could not be made to go into that position. What joint did you pick? Ankle: no. Knee: no. Hip, scapula, shoulder, elbow, wrist? No, no, no, no, no.

I’ve been trying though. I’ve been going to the local CrossFit, whose owner both oddly and thankfully agrees with me that CrossFit has an image problem. She’s also a USA Weightlifting certified instructor and former gymnast so I forgive her. We agree that my “technique” super sucks. She’ll stand there and say stuff like, “Use your legs.” That’s where I’m at. I’m the special needs guy over in the corner trying to row the fricking bar up like an upside down and inverted pull-up. My legs are fully turned off. One day last week I walked over and did a one-arm on the pull-up bar just to recoup some dignity. She was like, “That’s crazy.” No. What’s crazy is my max deadlift is ~95lbs.

I feel it now in my climbing. Not one neutron is wasted contemplating anything below my wist. I guess I look for where to put my feet but that’s the end of the story. When I’m tired my whole thought process is like, “Where’s my elbow? How’s my breathing? Core is tight?” Lately I do force myself to think, “Where’s my knee? Where’s my hip?” If I’m asking the answer is usually, “Not where it should be.” That’s too bad because, if I’m asking, my arms are probably blasted and my legs sure could help out. I’m hoping weightlifting can get these old bones to start talking to each other.

The Olympic lifts are crazy complex. I love it.

The Olympic Lifts captured by HookGrip

77kg/170lb Mohamed Ehab Yousseff snatching 165kg/364lb for an international competition PR:

94kg/207lb Adam Maligov snatching 172kg/379lb, 178kg/392lb and 181kg/399lb at the 2016 Russian Championships in Vladikavkaz:

85kg/187lb Aleksandr Pielieshenko clean and jerking 210kg/463lb:

85kg/187lb Artem Okulov clean and jerking 215kg/474lb:


Locomotion is important to the outdoor athlete. One should move efficiently in varied environs. I’m not transporting myself around outside very efficiently these days and I know that if I can’t keep up with the cool kids I’m going to miss out on fun stuff. There are two mediums I regularly contend with: ocean and mountains. Consider my use of the term “mountains” pretty loose – mostly this means I’m scrambling around in chaparral between sport climbing crags. Regardless, I’m getting my ass kicked out there, mostly due to this past year’s leg surgeries. But all that’s behind me now. I’m ready to kick my locomotion up a few notches and I know the best way to get better at a thing is to do the damn thang.

Let me confine my thinking here a bit. Think of the outdoor activities I pursue as actual sports. Because they are. This is not survivalist training or an otherwise immeasurable forest hobby. The form of climbing I practice is quantifiable by sport route rating. My ocean travel is by Stand Up Paddle Board, an ancient paddling method contested today at a variety of distances from 2 to 16 miles and more. Furthermore, my focus is always to progress my abilities in whichever activity. I want to make a distinction between this and the casual pastime. I’m obsessed with and committed to my athletic pursuits. It just so happens they are performed outside, rather than in a gym or pool or stadium (thankfully). I make this point because it took me a long time to recognize these types of sports as being on the same level as traditional sports. I realize now they are just as challenging, though not as evolved as traditional sports, and the athletes are just as driven.

So we’re talking about developing athletic pursuits. Actually, we’re talking about moving to and from locations where the actual pursuits are performed. In the case of sport climbing we’re talking about hiking. In the ocean, SUP is the method of transport but we could suppose this is to move between, say, different surf breaks. This distinction helps me zero in on a goal. Consider hiking: the purpose is not to push the limits of trail mobility but simply to move efficiently between car and cliff. Look at the disparate physiques of hikers and climbers. Hikers have big legs and climbers would rather have unhealthily small legs. It would be nice to be the world’s most capable hiker if I didn’t then have to climb a hard route once I got to my destination, where my giant calves would be a hindrance. So I’m not just saying I don’t need to be a great hiker but that I purposely should avoid being very good. I’m shooting for a hiking ability between painfully bad and grossly adapted.

Paddling is a little different because it’s not strictly the means to an end. It can be the end itself in that there may not be a destination where the real work happens. This is how SUP races are contested. If I’m being honest with myself I need to concede that my ambitions in SUP are minor compared to my climbing goals. Originally I started paddling as cardio training for climbing. I can say that paddling has grabbed me and I want to integrate it permanently into my life but there is not the 20+ years of commitment I bring to climbing. So again, I’m talking about pursuing paddling to a degree that does not hinder my climbing. For this reason I choose to categorize it alongside hiking – important, but not the point. For simplicity’s sake lets presume paddling is the in-between thing on the way to the real thing – say surfing a far-off break – and we want to be better but not obsessed with it.

Let’s not re-invent the wheel. Neither hiking nor paddling are new things. There exist resources out in the world for these sports. I am not trying to be the best the world has ever seen so I can be confident following in a more advanced practitioner’s footsteps. At no point should I need to break off on my own to push the known limits of hiking or paddling. Include in this conversation that I have a job and that this job is not to train all day. Basically my job is to sit in this chair for ~9 hours. The conversation is now sufficiently constrained that we can Google our faces off.

Imagine searching the internet for advice on becoming a better hiker/paddler. Approach from a different angle: parameterize the search from the perspective of an athlete in order to separate useful results from those pandering to the neophyte/survivalist/insane crowd. I’m looking for strategies to develop my athleticism holistically. Rather than go straight for hiking/paddling methodologies I’m looking to fill in the gaps in an otherwise developed athletic repertoire. In other words, consider what I’m missing and forego developing the strengths I already have. I can do a lot of pull-ups, for instance, but I can barely bend over to put on socks. Everything is connected, sure, but I feel I don’t need to train classic back/arm pulling nearly as much as I need to develop power through my legs and trunk.

One thing I definitely don’t have is technique.

Stand Up Paddle Technique

Four-time Olympic Canoeist and founder of Quickblade paddles Jim Terrell knows paddling.

Jim Terrell: SUP Stroke Analysis

Larry Cain also knows paddling. For one, he’s Canadian. He’s also competed in three Olympic Games to win both Gold and Silver medals in Sprint Canoe, and stuff.

Larry Cain:
#1 Improving Technique with Drills
#2 Entry Drill
#3 Gathering Drill
#4 Catch Drill
#5 Applying the Catch Drill
#6 The Middle of the Stroke
#7 Exit Drill
#8 Achieving Maximum Results

Olympic weightlifting via CrossFit

There’s a lot I don’t like about CrossFit. Like a lot. However, I appreciate that this is the perspective of an outsider observing a cult fitness trend. It actually sounds better to describe it that way. But I can forgive the nuts kipping/burpee videos if I tell myself this is a popularized version of a time honored weightlifting tradition. And I’ve always wanted to develop the Olympic lifts. CrossFit, I believe, can get me there. And if a person can clean/snatch big weight then hiking/scrambling should be no problem – I think.

A good introduction (as if I would know) to Olympic Weightlifting is probably the Bergener Warm-Up:

Kendrick Farris moves a lot of weight: